I should write stories about my exes and the dreams that I see. I should actually see a doctor.

I dont know what's wrong with my subconscioud mind. I am pretty sure last night I wasnt thinking of u. I had a great time with my life partner and went to sleep in a happy peaceful state. Then u came. You came as you were supposed to come. Leaving states. Leaving everyone to me. You came and you came in todays time. to my home. you are sleeping in my study room. Everyone is ok with it. I am just worried what your father is doing. I see you have graduated. got a great job. but u left everything to come to me as it was planned. And I am overjoyed with the life we are going to live. but somehow i was also concious that years have gone by. its been 7 years since then. and my life has another person in it. and i cant leave that person. i dont know how to tell you that. and i was broken into pieces. i wanna have that life. but i can never enjoy that leaving the person i have now..... I woke up. felt sad. went back to sleep. and the dream continued. finally i was up in the morning. but the feelings exist with me. your smile. your embrance. your witty eyes. our singular dream. life could be that. but it has changed. could i have waited longer? was i selfish? just wanted to be happy. and moreover that i was just disgusted by your family. its somewhat same in my present as well. hope u stay happy. hope we can have a laugh someday together. even as friends. we were friends. the closest kind of. and i miss that friend a lot.

was browsing some site and found the jacket I bought for you. Had tough time selling it afterwards. All those things that I bought, all those stupidness that I did for a wedding that did not happen. I knew it wasnt gonna happen. Offcouse I knew. Otherwise I would be shattered. Friends from all over Europe came for the wedding. Instead of a wedding we had  time in pub drinking wine. And even then I didnt get drunk. Those loans I took, and more to cover them. limit of stupidity. Pink white jacket. TTT. live well. live happy.